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Freedom Party Nominates Hasselhoff in Styrian Gubernatorial Race

China Reuters Associated Press | 26.08.03
[david hasselhoff] VIENNA, AUSTRIA. David Hasselhoff, star of such legendary TV shows as Baywatch and Baywatch: In Syndication, was officially nominated as the Freedom Party's candidate for Governor of Styria this afternoon. "I'm honored to be on my way to becoming an elected official in the fine country of Austria," Hasselhoff announced in an official statement earlier this morning. "I can't wait to get into office and out of these pants, grab me a board and hit the Gold Coast. Or Sydney. That'd be cool, too."

Hasselhoff is expected to run the Freedom Party platform "with a Baywatch twist," advocating that Austria become "more like California," by "making all the blonde people lifeguards" and "making all the girls with big breasts also be lifeguards" and making "everyone who isn't a lifeguard also be a drown victim" adding that "a special team of Austrian scientists will be commissioned to quantify precisely how long a drown victim can be drowning before becoming quanitifiably drowned."

Also the girls won't be allowed to wear pants because they might get wet.

(A German guy at Kiwi suggested that once. I'm not going to comment on the double entendre therein, I'm only going to point out that said double entendre is therein.)

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