ART OF EUROPE
the only show i watch on tv in china isn't on tv in china.
Season One
- Episode One
- Jack's homeland in Japan is attacked by Aku. Jack travels across the globe, and backwards in time, to train under various masters of various martial arts. Training under his belt, he confronts Aku, only to be forced forward in time, to the year when-Aku's-evil-is-law. I mean, the year when-Aku's-evil-is-law C.E.
- Episode Two
- Jack lands in the future, and is promptly hired to defend a party of canine archaeologists against Aku robots.
- Episode Three
- Jack defends said dogs vs. said droids. Lots of sequences where he sets up palisades and booby traps, à la seven samurai.
- Episode Four
- Jack frees the Woolies, these big fat Snuffaluffagus looking albino thingamigs. Dongwu, ne. They give him some ancient paperish thingamajig to help him travel backwards in time, cuz that's what talking elephants do when y'r nice to em.
- Episode Five
- Jack goes into outer space to fight a buncha giant bug robots, and bc E2≠m2c4+p2c2. No, really, if you're traveling at the speed of light and stick out yr tongue, yr tongue'll travel backwards in time.
- Episode Six
- Jack takes that paper thingamajig those Woolie thingamajigs gave 'im to some pseudo-Arabian bazaaar. He and some hot green skinned chick run a marathon or two across the open desert to meet the jinn who can send Jack back to the past at last. Or not, as such demands the plot.
- Episode Seven
- Jack has to climb this tower in the middle of the woods to get to this magic well that grants magic wishes. He has to get past three blind archers who make to give the Spartans some shade. A walk in the park, bar all the jackal shit.
- Episode Eight
- Jack vs. a buncha bounty hunters, inc. a squeaky-talking, trash-balking mini-chewbacca. Also, Jack-with-Visine vs. Jack-without-Visine. Ben Stein's pulling for Jack-with-a-yacht, who's been to sea so long he sees nothing résumé-tarnishing re having worked with what's-his-crook.
- Episode Nine
- Jack holds his breath for like wicked long before eating sushi with Ringo Starr and Sean Connery's sahuagin alter-selves.
- Episode Ten
- Jack fights this big guy made out of rock. Oo. Ah. Oh.
- Episode Eleven
- Jack fights this Scottish guy who got a dead leg the same place Barrett Wallace got his dead arm. If it ain't Scottish it's Shite. Also, if it ain't Sunni, it's similar.
- Episode Twelve
- Jack joins the mob. Al Capone is like two feet tall.
- Episode Thriteen
- Aku dresses up like Little Red Riding Hood. Take that, Tanith Lee.