Peter Jackson - The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

[viggo mortensen] sean bean makes it, i think, boromir being the only character with real psychological complexity. when zaentz did his cartoon, back before there was special effects for this kinda shit, boromir was just kinda this big oafish looking guy, thor horns on his helmet which oc means axe-wielding cretin (see christian bale as raskolnikov, ellis what were you thinking) who needs to be told what to do by someone like aragorn who knows how to spot weed from inside a speeding car with or without streetlights to guide the way.

cave troll sequence is nice, balrog scene woulda been better if the vcds didn't all cut there, or if jackson had made out to undo capcom usa's boss name thing, diverging from tolkien by renaming him (the demon a smoke and flame, that is) mike tyson. oc, like the whole capcom japan usa thing, i got the pacific ocean between me and tyson, so i can say what i say with a certain degree of impunity, knowing the maybehood that iron mike'd make like caligula and rameses and, projecting anger, whip the ocean, thereby tiring out en route, thereby sparing my synechdocal ass.

imdb actually lists this movie as being in english and elvish. i've yet to do a search for movies in elvish to see how many and of what exactly get kicked up, but i'd imagine rather than simply getting ten results at a time, i'll have to roll a ten-sided die and add my intelligence minus 2 to determine how many results i may view in one given round. melee you say? is horse pepsi okay? Nay!


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