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Labor Party's Proposed Fox Hunting Ban Praised by Japanese Animistic Spirits and Deities

China Reuters Associated Press | 26.06.03
TOKYO, JAPAN. The British parliament's recent resolution to ban the sport of fox hunting within the UK has been met with widespread praise in Japan, where foxes, tanooki and polymorphic cats assuming the shapes of human beings are estimated to comprise anywhere from 5% to 15% of the total population, in addition to holding some 22 seats in the Diet, the Japanese equivalent of Capitol Hill.

"From time immemorial, wealthy British landholders have subjected our people, our friends and our families, to the most gruesome and horrific acts of genocide the world has ever known if you don't count the gruesome and horrific acts of genocide our friends and families subjected the people of Nanjing to," Sugiyama Natsuko, a Diet member and prominent leader of the Animistic Spirit and Deities community in Japan, said in an official statement released earlier this morning. "And it's about time somebody put a stop to it."

Jubilant foxes and (some) cats took to the streets of Harajuku in all sorts of semi- and quasi-human forms on Sunday in a demonstration of solidarity with the Gaelic foxes of Great Britain, who have been in constant danger from colon(ial)ists, farmers and people who just like to watch dogs kill things cuz they think it's fun since Roman times. Tanooki, too drunk on sôju and saké to maintain the concentration necessary for shape-shifting, floated in the evening skies over Harajuku Station, suspended by their giant inflatable testicles, and masturbated onto the crowd below, because they're tanooki and that's what they do.

The whole party broke up early, however, when somebody who probably wasn't a fox answered his cell phone with the customary Japanese "moshi moshi," a mantra well-known for banishing animistic spirits and mischievious deities from one's sight.

Reactions in the US have been mixed, where people always like cute furry animals, but also always like killing things for no good reason.

( For further developments as they arise please visit the fox news website, a website run by foxes pretending to be humans pretending to tell the truth. )

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