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Bush Taps Greedly For EPA Job

China Reuters Associated Press | 24.09.03
[hoggish greedly] WASHINGTON, D.C. Following the Senate's failure to confirm Mike Leavitt as Christine Todd Whitman's successor as EPA Chief, the Bush administration today announced its "back-up" candidate, reclusive billionaire industrialist Hoggish Greedly.

"Mr. Greedly, through years of dedication to the environmental cause in the private sector, has proven himself to be the (second-)best candidate to head the EPA," White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters in a press conference held from 3:35 to 4:05 so they'd miss the first five minutes of any other press conference held on any other network. "The President and his advisors feel Mr. Greedly is especially equipped to represent the administration's special concerns and ambitious vision on environmental issues. Yes he is two-dimensional. Yes he is evil. Yes he is voiced by Ed Asner. But he is also, and I can't stress this enough, entirely, absolutely, 100% made up."

In related news, the State Dept. announced the appointment of former Presidential science advisor Duke Nukem as US Ambassador to North Korea, citing Nukem's "unique ability to appreciate America's need for redirection in the region" as a prime factor underlying his appointment.

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