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Godzilla Vs. Yukio Mishima - by nate

notes for a screenplay i never wrote from, i dunno, winter of '98.

plot notes for godzilla vs. yukio mishima. here goes: komodo dragons in the south pacific are becoming extinct (to the point the japanese govt announces a new national holiday, komodo no hi). Japan's foremost genetic engineering lab (i've previously expressed my belief that genetic engineering sci fi flicks are no better than atomic age sci fi flicks, this is that in practice) agrees to temporarily delay work on their quest to make the perfect man to clone, breed, etc. more komodo dragons. (komodo dragons being bloody key for aids research, viral venom an all) a grad student working in the lab thinks it will be really funny if he gives the komodo big dorks, so he takes a sample of john Holmes' DNA (in the lab for the aforementioned 'perfect man' project) and splices it into the dragons' genome. instead of making a little dragon with a giant dick it makes a giant dragon. godzilla is born. godzilla trashes a lot of Japan, which like julian sands' ass shots, is necessitated by contract. the us throws their stationed troops at him. only one survives, who will be played by Screech from Saved by the Bell (Dustin Diamond) and will be instrumental in later scenes. after losing all the troops the US throws in the towel, leaving Japan high and dry (i know those two clichés, if taken literally, cancel one another out; simply don't take them literally). Japan realizes they have need of a standing army (we'll just ignore the Jieitai) for the time being) and only one man can do this. Mishima Yukio (Hiraoka Kimitaké) (by reforming the Tatenokai, his private army). Mishima is cloned from semen found on an altarpiece of St. Sebastian. We are warned that gametes are produced through meiosis which is different from simple mitosis. this complicates the process (a single sperm can supply half the genome, but the remaining 23 chromosomes must be picked out by hand so as to avoid an erroneous duplication of genetic material). also involves risk. mishima starts designing uniforms before he starts recruiting. Godzilla steps on a butterfly (á la bambi) in Japan: as a result New York is decimated. not necessarily all of new york, but the relevant landmarks for sure. the sumo fighters' union declares a recognized affinity with godzilla. they start trashing shit. the prc declares godzilla an enemy of the people and an imperialist oppressor. they begin constructing large scale confessions for him to sign ("i'm a japanese conspiring fascist," etc.). mishima trains an army and they kendo their way through the sumo. they try this against godzilla and everyone but mishima bites it. he goes ape shit, trashing stuff and defacing the serialization posters of banana yoshimoto's "newlyweds" still left in the tubes. the japanese declare their only hope for salvation from mishima is godzilla. shortly thereafter mishima commits ritualistic suicide and Godzilla dies of aids (from johnny wad's dna - don't ask how it got into his dna, i know it couldn't same as i know the atomic bomb would give moths and lizards cancer, rather than making them 400ft tall and giving them the ability to breathe lightning). there's a chance that this could be interpreted as mishima having defeated godzilla because mishima was gay and aids was originally a "gay" disease the way cutting the top half of a baseball cap off to make a visor was originally a "straight" disease, but i doubt anyone other than myself will put this together.

actually if the student withdrew ALL genetic material and the virus was out of its protein coat, so that it would be loose genetic info in the cell... the virus would have had to have been in protein coat in sample, then injected itself after being thawed. hiv is very fragile so all of this is bullshit.

mishima could gain superhuman powers from the fuck up, go akira all over tokyo. then his body starts turning into metal, like tetsuo in akira or like tetsuo in tetsuo. this is why he kills himself.

in parliament there can be parties for war and parties for negotiation. the pro pax party advocates cloning former american ambassador shirley temple (cartoon bubbles over mps heads of archive footage of shirley temple in her sailor dress doing a song and dance number) black ("everybody loves children" with cartoon thought bubbles of the japanese PMs heads of [handing large sums of cash to] girls in sailor suits, or upskirt porn of a similar character) to "talk the lizard down" (the schism can be expressed by the media as ". . . between those advocating talking the lizard down and those for taking the lizard down." they can secretly fund a project and clone her. mishima can then hack her down (or screech).

in outline form:

  1. intro to komodo crisis
  2. genetic lab news conference 1. it is speculated they are doing this to undercut their closest competitor.
  3. introduce screech's character and his marine unit2
  4. The grad student3, late at night, gets the idea to spike the komodo's genome with DNA from 'Waddo Johnny' and does so.
  5. Komodo being hatched, most normal. The grad student sees his coming out, gets a stupid smile on his face, expecting all hell to break loose. As it does, when from an ostrich sized egg a 400ft tall velociraptor is hatched. Godzilla's first kill is the grad student. He steps on him on his way out of the lab to trash stuff.
  6. Godzilla trashes lots of stuff in Tokyo. The US forces in occupation mobilize. Cut in bits with Screech and his pals. 4 Also with guys in Okinawa oogling girlie pictures of girls with red (yellow?) backpacks.
  7. The US strike is a failure. This is initially shown as Godzilla swatting down a bunch of toy planes. Then a brigadier general suggests to his superior "Sir, if we sent in real planes instead of the radio-minis..." and they do. These too are trashed. Cut in bits of Screech's pals being cut to bits. 5
  8. The US decides to pull out. 6 Screech is forced to make his way back to Tokyo on foot.
  9. Parliament, the "talk down" or "take down" debates. Take down is decided upon. Key proponents of both sides are clearly identified in this bit.
  10. Japan publicly recognizes the need for a standing army. The IMF declares this to be an extraneous expense, and that furthermore allowing a giant lizard to trash their country will open up many jobs for construction workers and insurance adjusters.
  11. The proponents of "take down" meet in private and decide upon resurrecting Mishima Yukio. The wheels are set in motion, including the establishment of contact and consolidation with the previous genetics lab.
  12. The proponents of "talk down" meet in secret and decide to carry on with their plan of resurrecting Shirley Temple Black. etc. etc. They suggest the second genetics lab, the primary one's primary competitor.
  13. Screech arrives in Tokyo and hooks up with a parliamentary aid of the "take down" persuasion.
  14. GL1 is shown scraping semen off an altarpiece of St. Sebastian. We are warned of the dangers of cloning from gametes, and the "intricacies" of meiosis.
  15. We see how the Shirley Temple Black mistake is made. 7
  16. Godzilla trashing stuff. The "take down" party monitors this, Screech giving sage advice.
  17. Mishima is born. It is said he will soon get to work. He soon does, designing and sewing uniforms for a new Tatenokai not yet formed.
  18. Godzilla steps on a butterfly.
  19. New York decimation montage. The Statue of Liberty, the Trade Center (like I said, '98) the UN HQ, the dominatrix restaurant, are all destroyed.
  20. Another press conference. Several sumo express feelings of affinity for Godzilla. They pledge to fight to the death for him. 8 They run around trashing shit at Godzilla's heels, like the baby Godzillas in the Emmerich flick.
  21. Mishima training his army.
  22. Screech is sent to spy on Mishima by his parliament aid friend. Cf bond in you only live twice.
  23. The People's Republic of China declares Godzilla an enemy of the people, a fascist conspirator, an ally of the Japanese, etc. They commence construction of a gigantic confession for the lizard to sign.
  24. Screech infiltrates.
  25. Mishima sets plans for attacking Godzilla. With bamboo ken. 9 A day is set.
  26. The pro "talk down" party sets a date for wheeling out Shirley to negotiate. It is, by a stroke of fate (unless i can figure out a way to tie in an improbability drive10), the same day.
  27. In a massive action sequence the new Tatenokai kills all the sumo, attacks Godzilla and dies in the process. During the skirmish Mishima catches sight of Black, now a drider, spouting out pro-American propaganda at Godzilla. The line "The emperor is not a god to be worshipped, he is a figurehead to be subsidized" enrages him and he fights with and kills her. Screech is present. Mishima returns to the main site of action to find his men dead. He slices off Screech's arm in a fit of rage, then storms off, trashing shit left and right. Screech starts to follow, falls unconscious. Cut to black.
  28. Screech wakes up with a cyborgesque11 prehensile prosthetic arm. He is briefed on what Mishima has been doing, and told that the Japanese feel their only defense against him is Godzilla.
  29. !!!!!! godzilla dies of aids, mishima commits seppuku, what re:screech? Shirley Temple Black can lay eggs which hatch into baby driders (using fmv z-axis-edited footage of temple-as-child-star). screech fights these (with, of course, ken) while taking on mass numbers Godzilla steps on and kills them all (including screech). 12

  1. or something else which will both introduce the lab, their 'perfect man' (the 6,000,000,000,000,000 yen man) project and their adoption of responsibility for the komodo's welfare.
  2. this and two can be done simultaneously. they can have the TV on to the news conference, we can cu between that and the real thing.
  3. Mizoguchi, named after the stutterer from The Temple of the Golden Pavilion.
  4. They're all paratroopers who jump from planes drinking Mt. Dew.
  5. At least half of the infantry is killed by falling Mt. Dew cans.
  6. The BG suggests to his superior officer "But sir, what about the movie rights" to which the general replies "Let Sony have 'em. They'll just hand 'em over to their Fascist friends the Germans and nothing marketable will be produced. [insert critique of Emmerich here]."
  7. A hand is shown running down a wall of freezer drawers, labeled in English and either katakana or hiragana. Past one that says BLACK, SHIRLEY TEMPLE to one that says BLACK WIDOW. A voice is heard yelling "Hurry up with that second sample!" The hand opens the black widow freezer and we cut to black.
  8. This speech should be written to mirror Mishima's loyalty speeches to the emperor.
  9. Furthermore they will be in their wraps, mocking the Shield Society (aka the SS's) uniforms.
  10. a buncha monkeys wrote a screenplay./ nothing improbable about that./ but fox turned it into a big budget movie./ nothing improbable about that./ but audiences loved it./ nothing improbable about that./ but it won an oscar./ nothing improbable about that./ but it was in french./ sacré bleu!/ (omne:) EUREKA!!
  11. á la Tetsuo in Akira and Tetsuo in Tetsuo.
  12. See Runaway Horses.

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