ART OF EUROPE

Gustav Klimt Art Prints - The Images

Gustav Klimt was born in 1862 in Bumgarten. From an early age he was obsessed with bums and gardens. He painted lots of naked girls and flowers. Bumgaten later became part of Vigenna's Penizing district, and Klimt later became obsessed with vaginas and penises. izing.

Just to be sure no one thought he was gay, even if he was, Klimt decided to paint women with vaginas whose bodies' outlines were roughly penis-shaped, rather than drawing women with both vaginas and penises, even though there's no real shortage of women like that in Germany, which is like ten minutes away from Austria by the Autobahn, and like ten seconds away from Austria by the Austrian-German border. (Achilles could get from Austria to Germany in less than seconds, but if he raced a turtle he'd lose, cuz German people are all very polite to turtles, cf Kelly, but not to Greeks, eg gastarbeiter).

Adele Bloch-Bauer I, the most expensive painting ever, is basically a woman shaped like a giant penis stuck inside a big gold dress shaped like a kooch. The woman might have a penis of her own, obscured by the giant vagina-shaped dress. It's hard to tell from here.

Gustav Klimt also painted Danaë, proving my point that, as much as Germans love David Hasselhoff, they'd much rather wank off to pictures (be they paintings or photos) of women urinating. Being greedy buggers they prefer women who urinate solid gold coins. Unless those are supposed to be teeth.

Klimt's obsession with the color gold, gold leaf, etc. might well stem from his obsession with urination, which itself stems from his obsession with the set of all things shaped like penises and vagines, subset to which is, of course, the set of all penises and vaginas with which, as already stated above, Gustav Klimt was obsessed.

And just so there's no confusion:

Klimt ∋ Penis. Vagina. Shiny.

Schiele ∋ Cock. Cunt. Sticky.

No, really, when Klimt was born Vigenna was part of the Austrolopithican Empire, who were mostly fat hairy midgets like Puskas and not incomprehensible-yet-cool-somehow goose vets like my buddy Szabolcs, and not part of Germany at all—that was Hitler's fault, like Mercedes Benz being able to make cars using POW labor or IBM selling so many punchcards to count all the layoffs. But that said, Germany has given us many great things. Like lager. They invented that. So every time you go to a bar that doesn't serve ale, you can say a Heil Mary for Doucheland.

Gustav Klimt may or may not have been obsessed with douches. "All of nature is modelled on the douche bag, the douche nozzle, and the bidet" may or may not have been something he said. Most likely the latter.

While yes, it's true that girls what got googoos for Gustavs gotta be gagging for it, it's also true that statutory rape'll slam yr ass in prison in most states, so forget it and fuck off. Go find a girl what's got Schiele or, better yet, Goya. Goya girls's got leather. Leather, dammit!

Oh, and Klimt made his own frames, much like Lens Crafters, in about an hour. He'd go BAM!BAM! with the hammer, and the frame it would be maded, crafted, well.

And Klimt could then return his attention to the things that really matter. Like painting women shaped like penises.

born 1862, died 1918

and all gustav klimt art prints here have been especially and wantonly selected for you to buy, by a wild and erotically beautiful woman from vienna whilst hanging precipitously on the verge of ecstasy, on the threshold of fulfilment - oh klimt prints she cries, oh print me a klimt kiss, frieze me and print me, again and again and again - and, it's said, gustav klimt art prints are best viewed while eating a prawn cocktail sandwich, after coming, while listening to janacek

Stuff in Books

Gustav Klimt on the web