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Once from China - by nate


raid really does kill bugs dead. i have, oh, cockroaches. everywhere. big ones, the size of pepperoni slices, tiny ones, the size of cayenne seeds, inbetween ones, the size of foods tinier than pepperoni slices but larger than cayenne seeds, but which i'm equally disinterested in ingesting given the fact that my house is full of fucking cockroaches. granted, i don't see them fucking, but i can hear them fucking, all their kinky ass roach fetish paraphilia foppy fornicator fucking fuck arthropodal fetish fucking shit. the ones who're into bondage are getting little girl cockroaches to flip them on their backs, the chubby chasers are masturbating, six hands a job, to photos of madagascar hissing cockroaches, the scatophiles, well, that's not kinky for a cockroach, and the voraphiles are having a fucking field day.

the bukkake i don't even wanna think about.

but raid kills them! kills them all dead! no, this isn't destroyer to the shiva creator that is mellerware. raid fucking sucks. i kill cockroaches with it by bashing their backs in with the butt of the can, chitin cracking and crunching as the little critters kick and spasm, the bernd jürgen armando brandeses of the bunch shrieking in erotic ecstasy (i told you they were having a field day).

god germans are a creepy lot. gunther von hagens is a german. god germans are a creepy lot.

with stupid, silly haircuts. guess which side they went in through to take out schweinsteiger's brain tumour? and no, they didn't transplant it into rooney afterwards, so stop asking!

i also killed a cockroach by gently setting the can of raid down on top of it. the bottom is concave, so the poor little guy (this guy maybe the size of a bertie bott's jellybean) couldn't get out. can't get out. he's still there. slowly starving to death, under a can of raid.

germany game tomorrow. italy every twelve years, no one's scored on italy but italy. the germans are silly men with silly haircuts. that "eins... zwei... drei... hasselhoff!" thing in dodgeball, klinnsman makes them do that. naked. in the showers. with umbrellas. they cannot win.

i killed one roach by spraying it with raid. the raid didn't kill it, but the force of the spray flipped the roach over onto his back, and he couldn't move. i started to step on him, then thought: no, wait. i went and got a roll of toilet paper, tore two squares off, held them up over the roach, lined up the blurry black block that was his outline as seen through the semi-translucent tp in the center of said semi-translucent tp, then set it down... then stepped on him. i wondered, not at that moment but maybe 7.28 moments later, if that was what made the nazis so bad. not killing shitloads of people for no real reason (pol pot did that; hell, the khmer rouge killed people for wearing glasses), but killing them in such a fashion as to make cleanup really, really easy. out in cambodia, don't they just shoot you in the head? guns are bloody inefficient, no pun intended. guns don't kill people, bullets do. bullets and the blood loss and tissue damage they inflict. and president bush. he also kills people.

but why does the porajmos make hitler a bigger dick than pol pot?

the germans tomorrow. the fucking germans. you win a world cup, you get to wear a star on your shirt from then on. the us men... never won one, never wore one. the us women... won two, wear two. the german women, before they'd won their first, wore three. i know refs are blind, but shouldn't the german fans catch on?

nope, nope. even the germans can't tell the difference between their men and their women. "now ve dahnce."

remember that guy in halle who drank tea made from angel's trumpet and chopped off his penis and tongue with a pair of garden shears? he was a german.

italy, you must stop germany! you cannot let them win! they are evil! they manufacture safe-to-ride motorcycles in conservative colors! because of their silly fashion statements the entire world associates leather jeans with gay men who clamp their nipples and tie themselves to other gay men's leashes! they sacked rome! they invented protestantism! and universities! remember that 5 hour "study of women" class you accidentally signed up to take? that's their fault! they will make you stay awake in the middle of the day, they will kill rome's cats and soap her fountains, they will refuse to park in the street and drive on the sidewalk! they will produce inferior wines, breads and cheeses in a more efficient manner! stop them! stop them! stop them!

stop them!

forza! for the love of god, italia, forza! forza! now!

or drive yr tanks backwards, and get beat by a buncha hippy jamaicans' messiah. i don't care. it's 12pm, i just had lunch, i'm going to bed.

see you in twelve years.